


A brawl for a friend, please

by Cyber Moggy (janet_mayfire)



Series: The Edge of Reality [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A little man walks into a bar, Bar Room Brawl, Gen, crazy cocktails
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 01:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16903215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janet_mayfire/pseuds/Cyber%20Moggy
Summary: Steve finally gets to find out just what he looked like before the serum - from the outside.





	A brawl for a friend, please

“Here's trouble,” Bucky murmured to Clint.

“Oh?” Clint asked, and followed Bucky’s gaze to where a small, skinny blond figure had walked in. The newcomer was perhaps five foot tall, dressed in slacks held up by braces, and practically vibrating with anger. “Is that Little Steve?”

He didn't speak quietly enough. 

Little Steve’s head shot up, and he spun around to try and find the source of the insult.

Clint pretended to be deep in conversation with Bucky whilst Little Steve scanned the tables.

“There's nothing wrong with his hearing,” Bucky murmured. “Just his chest.” He raised his head. “Steve. Get yourself a drink and I’ll introduce you to my friend.”

“Will he make it back here?” Clint asked.

“While Alphonse is making Wheezy Shrimp cocktails? Not a chance,” Bucky replied. He caught Alphonse’s eye and made the prepare-for-brawl signal. “Just as well we have a recognised set of rules for brawls.”

“You’ll referee?”

Bucky nodded. “I know Steve well enough to know when he’s about to have an asthma attack - he’s showing early signs of one now.”

Clint nodded, and drained his beer. Then, he carefully offloaded all his weapons and put them into the secure locker that appeared next to their table - just like the lockers that were appearing next to all the tables as Alphonse activated the brawl protocol.

House rule number 1 was that no weapons were to be used in combat. That meant that all armed patrons removed all detachable weapons and placed them in the lockers. Including Thor’s hammer, Iron Man’s armor, and every last one of Bucky’s daggers and guns. No exceptions. Those who failed to observe the rule were ejected from the Edge forever.

“What’s taking so long?” somebody called out as some time passed and the lockers were still present.

“Bucky’s still stripping,” Clint called back.

“Oh.”

Finally, though, everybody’s weapons were safely stowed, the lockers retreated, and everybody returned to their drinks to see how the action was going to start this time.

By this time, Little Steve was looking around in bafflement, his confusion only fuelling his anger.

“Steve!” Alphonse called over to him genially. “I’m making cocktails for everybody. Would you like one?”

Little Steve shot a couple of sideways glances around the place, and headed over to the bar. As Bucky and Clint watched, the fact that he was too short to breast the bar without looking like a child did nothing to improve his already dodgy temper.

“What sort of cocktails are they?” Little Steve asked, reigning himself in as he looked up into Alphonse’s mass of purple tentacles.

“Here we go,” Bucky murmured. 

“It’s my own invention,” Alphonse said modestly. “I call it the Wheezy Shrimp.”

He turned away and started to mix up a batch. Behind him, Little Steve launched himself over the bar with a velocity that only insane anger could produce - and was plucked out of the air by Thor, who happened to be sitting next to the stool that Little Steve had attempted to climb into. Thor set Little Steve gently onto the bar stool. “Now, now, friend Steve,” Thor boomed genially. “It is against the rules to attack Alphonse.”

“Rules?” Little Steve screeched. “When he insults me like that?”

Thor’s eyebrows climbed up into his hair. “He offered you no insult.”

But Little Steve’s anger had reached the point of incandescence by that stage, and there was no turning back. Denied his primary target, Little Steve launched himself at Thor.

Thor tossed Little Steve casually aside, and Little Steve crossed the polished wooden floor on his buttocks, skidding to a halt by Clint and Bucky’s table.

A great big grin crossed Clint’s face. “Thor!” he shouted. “Steve here is a fraction of your size! You could have held him at arm's length until he stopped struggling, and yet you launch him across the room!”

“Do you take his part then?” Thor boomed back.

“I do!” Clint replied, as loudly as he could, and barely managed to avoid tripping over the startled Little Steve as he launched himself at Thor.

Bucky quietly extracted himself from the table, and (winking at LIttle Steve in passing) stauntered over to accept the whistle that Alphonse was holding out for him.

As he turned, Little Steve had pulled himself to his feet and, with a growl of “I don’t need any help”, had launched himself back into the fray.

At a nearby table, Big Steve had covered his eyes with one hand. What Bucky could see of his face was bright red. Bucky grinned. It was about time his old friend learned how ridiculous he had been before the war.

Nearby, Toni Stark got to her feet. “Two against one is hardly fair,” she called out, “even when one of them is as bad at fighting as Steve is.” With that, she took a running leap and landed on Clint’s back.

Bucky glanced down at Steve. His lips were beginning to turn blue, and Bucky knew that it was time to extract him. He blew on his whistle, and the combatants backed away, leaving a bewildered Little Steve sitting in the middle of the floor, gasping for breath.

Bucky picked him up and carried him over to where Bruce Banner was sitting with the first aid kit. “Asthma attack,” he said briefly. “He doesn't know how to use an inhaler.”

Bruce nodded briefly, finding an inhaler and a spacer in the kit.

“Steve, Bruce will help you. He's a friend. Do as he says.”

Bucky waited for Steve's nod before heading back to the waiting brawl. 

“Alright,” he said. “You can continue now.”

**Author's Note:**

> The Wheezy Shrimp is a cocktail of my own invention. You get your hands on vodka that has been infused with shrimps (goodness only knows how), and mix it with tomato juice. Add as much super-hot chilli sauce as is required to make everybody's faces turn red, and ice cubes. Shake it all up in a cocktail shaker, and serve.
> 
> No, I have never made this recipe. No, I never intend to. No, I don't know where to get shrimp-infused vodka. Yes, it probably would work just as well with vodka infused with other kinds of fish. No, I don't know where to get that, either. Alphonse makes his own.


End file.
